Beta day....

So after a very long 9 days, my beta was this morning. We saw Dr. L in the waiting room. He had a huge smile on his face when he saw us and asked if we had our fingers crossed. I laughed and said we had everything crossed.

There was a small mix up at the office. They couldn't find my file. I said the St. Anthony prayer and it was found...lol! Good ol' St. Anthony!!

We were called in for my ultrasound first. Dr. L said that my uterus was nice and thick, about 14mm which meant Billy was giving me my progesterone injection correctly. My ovaries are still a little enlarged but he said that it was normal and will take a few weeks to go back to normal size.

Dr. L is too cute. He said that the office was thinking about me all week.

We went back into the waiting room and I was called in to draw my blood.....the moment we had all been waiting for. The nurse was sweet. She agreed that the wait is the worst part. Then joked that when ever she draws blood....it's always good news.

Well.......let's hope she is right!!!!!!!

2WW......SUCKS!!!

Well technically, it is a 9DW (9 day wait not 2 week wait).

My friend Kelly, who has seriously been my IVF angel, sent me this really great link from the NYU Fertility Center in NYC. It gives a really awesome timeline for 3 day transfers and 5 day transfers. I am a 5 day transfer so the earliest hCG will show up anywhere is Friday which is, coincidentally, my beta blood test anyway. So again....waiting SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

?

To hpt or not hpt.....that is the question..................

All I have to say is....

....thank goodness for Cheerios and Preggy Pops as I continue my love/hate relationship with prenatal vitamins...

Transfer day..

On the couch with Dumbo and my 3 embryos...


And Billy made me chocolate chip cookies...

What progesterone is like

Cold pack to numb my ass...


Progesterone...


Needle, all set to go!


Not as much as the other shots...


DONE!

My recovery room posse...

My mom and Billy.....and my bag of needles.

Change of plans....

Sorry about the lack of posts. I have been off from work since Wednesday and I am not fond of posting from my lap top or phone.

So at around 8:30 am Wednesday, as we were waiting for my mom to get to the house, the phone rings. It's Dr. L. He tells me that 4 of the embryos didn't make it and the remaining 5 were a little slow and not perfect........so he wanted to transfer 3 not 2. I am not sure what upset me more...the fact that I only had 5 surviving embryos or that the remaining embryos weren't perfect. I try not to go on message board or read too many articles on the internet but while looking up information on other subjects, I do run into the occasional message board post....and almost all of them mention "perfect embryos". I guess something about the words "not perfect" and "slow" just make you think that they won't take and all of your hard work and worry and tears will be for nothing. And how do you try again with an optimistic open-mind after a failed attempt?

But anyway. I hung up with Dr. L. Billy was in the basement so he didn't know that Dr. L had called me so the first words out of his mouth when I told him what he said were "You're lying". But I wasn't. 3 embryos were put into my uterus.

If you aren't familiar with the embryo transfer part of IVF..they use a catheter to put them back in and the entire process takes like 3 minutes. You are required after that to lay flat for 30 minutes. Oh...and you go in with a full bladder. That part scared me the most...feeling like I would explode on the table. It really wasn't bad at all. I drank I glass of water an hour before...then another glass on my way there. The best part was, I got to take Valium!! Valium is nice....very nice.

My mom and Billy were allowed in the recovery room with me, which was great. The nurse came in and showed Billy how to give me the progesterone shots. Progesterone is the worst shot out of all of them. You have to inject it in your ass and the needle is big.

So Friday is our big day. This is the worst part....the waiting. If I get into all of my worries, I will cry and I am trying to hold it together for my own sanity's sake.

What is that saying? Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.....

......

Update..

Yesterday at around 4:00 pm, Dr. L called me to see how I was doing. Billy was really impressed that the doctor called me himself on a Sunday afternoon. I have to admit, I was really nice and did make me feel like I wasn't just a number.
He told me to call today at 8:30 am to see how my embryos were doing and if they were doing very well, he would think about doing the transfer today.

So at 8:15 am, I was sitting in the dressing room...Billy was laying in bed. I started to fold laundry waiting for 8:30. I hear "You do the jitterbug"....and I look over at Billy who was playing music on his phone. He looks at me and says - "This will be the last thing you hear before you get the embryo results". Ummmm...really? Thanks babe. LOL!!!

So 8:30 comes and I call. Dr. L gets on the phone. He said that we really did well. Most people do not get 9 embryos on a cycle..4 or 5 at the most. 2 of our embryos were a little slow but the other 7 were strong and looked great but he wanted to let them grow in the lab for a few more days so Wednesday will be our day. He also said that not all the embryos will make it to Wednesday but that was okay because we really want the strong one to transplant.

I was and still am a little bummed about the 2 embryos. And yeah I know..God's will and all but they are still embryos. MY embryos. 2 tiny pieces of Billy and I. The beginnings of 2 lives. I never really thought I would feel that way about them. It's strange and amazing at the same time.

Rockin' the blue hospital gown...

This was taken after I came out of the procedure room...
....and still high as a kite!!

And the final number is......

9!!!!!! We have 9 embryos!!!!

Out of the 18 eggs...15 were mature and they split them...6 they did where they inject the sperm in each egg (ICSI) and all 6 of those took. And 9 they did where they let the sperm figure out on their own what to do (in-vitro) and 3 of those took.

We are ecstatic! Thank you God!!!

High as a kite...

I just got a call from Dr. L to check up on me and see how I'm doing. He said I made him laugh because I was really enjoying my anesthesia!!! What can I say....it was really good stuff! LOL!

Other than tired...I am a little crampy but nothing too bad.

Egg retrieval...nailed it!!!

So this morning was my egg retrieval!! I admit...I was nervous. I tried to be all brave but inside I was shitting a brick.

We got to the office at 9:50 am and checked in. Our nurse Allison came out to get me. We walked into the procedure room and I changed into my sexy blue gown complete with blue booties and
cap...LOL! Allison went over all of my instructions and took my vitals. Dr. L came in shorty after that then the a anesthesiologist. He set up my IV and we walked into the procedure room.

Everything after that is a blur. I remember getting a sedative to help me relax which made me laugh uncontrollably. When I woke up, the first thing I said was "But I'm awake."....LOL! Then I asked if I was snoring...LOL! They said a little. Then I asked how many eggs they took. The nurse said 18!!!!! 18 eggs!!!! Crazy!!!!!
I walked into the recovery room and Allison came in with Billy. Dr. L had spoken to him after my retrieval. I was feeling so happy at that point.

So...here we are...just resting comfortably. They will call me tomorrow to let us know the fertilization results. Praying for good embryos!

hCG Trigger...done!

So last night was our big night...the moment we have been waiting for...the most important night so far...the hCG trigger shot! NAILED IT!! LOL...

We had both of our alarms set for 10:20 pm so that we had enough time to prep and get ready. We walked into the kitchen, both of us with these huge smiles on our faces. It was actually the only time we walked into the kitchen at injection time with smiles. Billy prepped the needle as usual. He had a second alarm set for 10:30 pm so he knew exactly when to give the shot. I was busy texting people back..lol..thanking them for their well wishes.

10:29 pm came...and there we were...standing there...skin pinched and needle aimed at my extremely sore and ridiculously black and blue abdomen.
10:30 pm...the alarm goes off and Billy realizes that he didn't turn the high-hats on, only the chandelier so he can't really see...LOL! He runs over to the light switch, turns it on - LIGHTS! Awesome! Then came the most painful shot to date. OUCH!!! Because my skin is so bruised, Billy had a hard time getting the needle in. No biggie...he did it and I survived.

Next up...retrieval day tomorrow! Let's pray for good eggs and even better embryos!!! XOXO

Alarm is set...


May I have the envelope please...


hCG shot...ready to go!


1 final alcohol swab...


Kiss for good luck...


EMPTY!! WooooHoooo!!!!


The tiny aftermath..lol!

When I least expected a laugh...I got a big one!

My phone was going off like crazy between texts and alarms and facebook. As I am updating my friend Tara, my text alert goes off again. It was a friend of Billy's from work.....probably one of my favorite friends of Billy's from work....LOL! The text took me by surprise and I couldn't stop laughing. It really made my night to know how much support we are getting from everyone. We are so blessed. Truly.

hCG trigger tonight!

We went for my final ultrasound this morning. Dr. L said my estrogen levels were perfect and my uterus looks great. He looked at my ovaries to see what my follicles were doing and took measurements. We have 3 @ 22mm, 3 @ 20mm, 2 @ 19mm, and 2 @18mm and a lot of smaller ones. So Friday is definitely my day! We also got my hCG shot and our instructions. We do that tonight at 10:30 pm EXACTLY! Apparently everything rides on this shot. Miss the shot time...you are screwed til next cycle. The good thing is Thursday is my "Injection Vacation"! I don't have to take any meds or shots at all Thursday! Ahhhhhhh.....

Follicles in my right ovary...


My hCG trigger shot!!!

Final Follistim, Ganirelix and LH shots!!

This morning was our final Follistim, Ganirelix and LH shots for this cycle. Can I get a WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!!

Poor Billy looking exhausted!


Waiting in line...


Needle prep...


My last 3 stim shots...


The aftermath!


Follistim - 375 units - 4/10/2013
Ganirelix
Low Dose LH - 20 units

The Oak Tree

Saturday at the farmers market, they were selling a fundraiser cookbook for breast cancer. Of course I bought one. I took it with me to my mom's on Sunday and as I was flipping through the pages, I came across this poem. I am not sure who wrote this or for what reason, but it seems fitting for a lot more than just the breast cancer fight. It also makes me think of all the people who have written me words of encouragement. They make me go on when I doubt myself or this journey that I am on. And, duh, it made me cry..LOL!

The Oak Tree

A mighty wind blew night and day.

It stole the oak tree’s leaves away,

Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark

Until the oak was tired and stark.


But still the oak tree held its ground

While other trees fell all around.

The weary wind gave up and spoke,

"How can you still be standing oak?"


The oak tree said, "I know that you

Can break each branch of mine it two,

Carry every leaf away,

Shake my limbs, and make me sway.


But I have roots stretched in the earth,

Growing stronger since my birth.

You’ll never touch them for you see,

They are the deepest part of me.


Until today I wasn’t sure

Of just how much I could endure.

But now I’ve found with thanks to you,

I’m stronger than I ever knew.

When good ideas turn into bad ones

So my brilliant self decided that I was going to go to the gym today since I haven't been in like 2 weeks and Dr. L said it was okay. And I figured since I had to be up at 5 am anyway for my shots, which is the time I get up for the gym normally, I might as well go.

Fast forward to 1:30 pm..............I have hit the wall...LOL! There isn't enough coffee in the world to keep me awake right now. UGH! Oh well, at least we can leave at 4:30 today....if you can consider that a light at the end of the tunnel.

Billy prepping...


Ginger was way too tired to even get up to see what we were doing...


The Big 3!


The aftermath...LOL!

Here we go!

My egg retrieval is Friday. The nurse called and said all of my numbers were perfect....so Follistim, Ganirelix and LH tomorrow morning and Wednesday. And when I go to the office on Wednesday they will give me my hCG needle with my instructions.

Almost there......

3rd Ultrasound today

This morning was my 3rd ultrasound to see how big my follicles were getting.

The ultrasound showed my uterus is at 11mm and more of my follicles are growing. I have 1 @ 18mm, 2 @ 17mm, 2 @ 16mm and some 15 and 14mm's. Dr. L also said my extraction will most likely be Friday but it could be Thursday. Now I am just waiting for them to call me with my blood work results and instructions.

Oh and we were also told to abstain now, which is funny since we thought we were supposed to be abstaining this entire time. SMH!

I have to tell ya...I am kind of getting tired of talking about follicles...LOL! I think this 9 day headache that won't go away is starting to get to me. LOL!

Mood swings? HA!

I have been feeling all sorts of everything lately mostly because of the meds. They are making my emotions go into over-drive. Unfortunately, I can't do anything about it....but, I am not alone. Apparently everyone is going through or has gone through the same thing as me. When the doctors, nurses and websites say "mood swings"....be prepared to be annoyed by the smallest thing and cry your eyes out for no reason. Moods swings I can handle but THIS...this is not mood swings.

I am trying to not snap at Billy when he is standing in my way and I want to get in the fridge or if he didn't hang is towel up correctly in the bathroom. It's hard and I didn't think it would be as hard as it has been. Billy went to Wrestlemania yesterday and I cried for hours when he left. I don't know why. It's not like he hasn't been gone all day before. He works doubles, he has been at the firehouse for emergencies and I have been fine all the other times. I wasn't even going to be home. I was going to my mom's house so we could go shopping and visit my niece. Didn't matter. There I was, on my stairs, a crying mess.

I guess it would be kind of comforting to have some sort of guarantee that at the end of this road, there would be a baby. But there isn't. You just might have to go through all of this and walk away with nothing. That's kind of a lonely place to be. I guess maybe its more on my mind now since I am almost at the end. And again, don't get me wrong.....I still hold my ground when I say that it is totally okay if we end up being just us. But it has been on my mind.

SHOTS..SHOTS..SHOTS!!

I said to Billy...5:30 am shots would be so much better if instead of Follistim, Ganirelix and LH....it was Tequila, Lemon Drop and Cafe Patron. Anyway......

Not really happy about being up at 5:13 am...


LH comes with all its own stuff including alcohol pads to be used specifically with this shot...


All 3 meds..


My arsenal of fertility meds..LOL!


The aftermath..


Follistim - 375 units - 4/7/2013
Ganirelix - 250 ml
Low Dose LH - 20 units

Follistim Injection Night 6

Last Follistim night! Well, last only getting a Follistim injection night..LOL!

Pen prep...


Prepping the LH for tomorrow morning.


Follistim - 375 units - 4/6/2013

Saturday at the zoo...

Saturday we needed a break from talking about follicles and shots and IVF all together plus it was a beautiful day out so we went to the zoo. LOL! Afterwards we drove around and found one of my favorite things...a farmers market!

At the zoo for about 2 hours and this cow stood in the same spot the entire time..dumb cow.


Bahhhh...LOL!


The prairie dogs were the best!


LOVE how this guy was slumped over...


Us...


Raspberry Lily Cookies from the farmers market. Yum!

Follistim Injection Night 5

So Friday night was my 1st 375 unit night. It wasn't so bad and I didn't really feel any different. I am starting to have ovulation symptoms which are kinda gross so I am not really going to get into it.

Pen prep...


Set to 375 units!


Me - Scared!! Billy - The Mean Injection Guy!


Nighty night Rabbit!


This time I got a post-injection kiss...


Follistim - 375 units - 4/5/2013