PMSing = HUGE RANT!

Today on facebook, I was being super-sarcastic when I wrote a post about taking the medical advice of someone other than an actual doctor. Needless to say, not many people got my sarcasm.

One of my favorite things has always been when people start with - Oh, you aren't REALLY infertile. Just start talking about adoption and you will get pregnant or The doctor's don't know what they are talking about. Just get drunk and go for it and you will get pregnant when you least expect it! Ummmm....news flash, and please excuse my brutal honesty, - Billy and I have been screwing, unprotected, A LOT..lol....for 10 years. It ain't happening! I do not ovulate. It's a fact....proven by numerous doctors, fertility doctors, blood tests, ultrasounds..you name it. I DO NOT OV-U-LATE!!!

Now, I am not a sheep. I am not easily fooled so therefore I highly doubt there is some grand conspiracy by every doctor and lab tech I have ever come in contact with since I am 17 to make me believe that I do not ovulate, just for shits & giggles. Like they all got together in some dark alley one night and said - Ya'know what would be hilarious?? It's like come on now.

I do understand that yes, many women go thru IVF or IUI or AI or whatever else unsuccessfully and half of a percent of those women magically become pregnant on their own when they least expect it. And that is great. But, I kind of find it hard to talk myself into holding on to that big of a "what if?". The way I see it, I got 4 chances. That's it. What's meant to be will be. I have learned not to read the stories of others, successful or unsuccessful. This journey is mine and mine alone. I can not base it on someone else's experience. I have to take each step, each day, each milestone, each failure, each everything and embrace it and deal with everything as it comes because it may not work. And then again...it may. I don't know. Nobody knows for sure. Does that make my doctor a monster because he can't give me a definite answer? Of course not. He isn't a God. He is a man.

I told someone not too long ago - Billy and I got married because we love each other and we were the right two people for each other. Not because we were desperate to be parents. To us, marriage isn't about taking care of a baby. That's what parenthood is about. Marriage is about sharing your life with someone who you love. A baby isn't going to make us happy because we already are happy. Would a baby be great? Probably. I mean it would be kind of cool to have a little person hanging around. But it's not the most important thing.....or the only thing. You know?

I know to some, those words may be hard to understand or that I may seem like a bitch who could care less about becoming a mother. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I need to hold onto to us, to the strength of my relationship with my husband because it will get me through this. And in the end, it may just end up being...Billy & Arge. And that's okay.